


Late Night Thoughts

by strawberrycolaaa



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Other, first time writing in a while, this is just a vent, tw for mental spiral i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29194800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrycolaaa/pseuds/strawberrycolaaa
Summary: the character goes to the laptop to distract themselves but ends up having a mental spiral
Relationships: None





	Late Night Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing in a couple of years so I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes.
> 
> also be careful with reading cause the writing is based on how my mind is during a spiral/breakdown so if you would be triggered by that, don't read.
> 
> just know you are loved and cool, have a good day!

Usually, at night, the air is calm and still but tonight was different. The weight of my blanket shifted off of me as I moved from laying down in the fetal position to sitting upright, dangling my legs off the edge of the bed, and pushing the covers away. Fidgeting with my hands before pushing my hair back out of my face, I look over to my right. On the other side of the room, I have my desk with an open laptop on it (the laptop is currently in sleep mode due to me not turning it on for many hours). I could hear the buzz of my laptop from the other side of my room, and after a sigh I stood up and lazily walked over, the blanket dragging along the floor as I had it wrapped around my shoulders.

Plopping my weight into my desk chair, I moved the mouse on my computer trying to wake it up. The bright flash of the screen surprised me for a moment before my eyes got adjusted to the sudden appearance of light in a no longer pitch-black room. The image of my youtube recommended page is displayed on the screen, my eyes scour the screen for anything to grab my attention. After seeing nothing, I refresh the page and find a video that looks interesting. I click on it and it starts playing, but slowly reality gets blurry. The sound of the video slowly fades out and the sound of air coming out of the laptop and complete silence echoes throughout my head. My now unfocused vision looks down at my keyboard, watching how the light reflects off of it in contrast to the darkroom. Wow. My mind becomes blurry and my thoughts feel slow yet strong as they go through my mind.

_Did I just hear someone moving around? Wait. It was weird the way I reacted earlier, I wonder if she noticed. Oh god, I hope she doesn't think we don't like her. What if she knows everything we said and thinks we don’t enjoy hanging out?_

The thoughts come faster and faster, and more pulled away from reality I become. A slideshow of images making a story runs through my head of what happened earlier, having me feel everything that I felt then. _God, my imagination is strong._ I can remember how it felt fidgeting with my hands as I talked with her and how nervous I was trying to convey to her that I enjoyed her company. I put on a smile and tried to make my tone cheery, but the memory of not saying a lot of words pops into my head.

_What if she thought we were mad at her? We weren’t being short with her, we just couldn’t think of anything to say. Why can’t we think of anything to say? God, we are so dumb, why can’t we be better? Hey, don’t talk down to ourselves like that! We deserve it though._

My breathing gets heavier as I realize that my breathing quickened and that I needed to regain my composure, I wasn’t going to break down again. The arguing between myself and I continues in my head, one demeaning me while the other reassuring me that there was nothing else that we could do. I let out a groan and place the heels of my hands in my eyes.

“ _Will you shut up? I’m probably just making a huge deal out of nothing and probably making myself go crazy with this._ ” I whisper to myself. Putting my forehead in my hands, elbows on the cold desk, I look down and let out an exasperated sigh as a realization hits me, “ _Normal people don’t do this. I’m going crazy…_ ”

I sit there for a moment, the video on the screen finally ending. A small whimper is heard from me as I sink deeper into my arms, my head pounding and an overwhelming sense of despair washes over me. With nothing playing to distract my mind and silence only to fill the void, my mind spirals.


End file.
